


Take Me To The Wild (I've Been Lonely)

by NuriaSchnee



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale's Bookshop (Good Omens), Blow Jobs, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Communication, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley is a Sweetheart (Good Omens), Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Holy Water, Insecure Aziraphale (Good Omens), Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Romance, Service Top Crowley (Good Omens), Sex in the Bookshop (Good Omens), Smut, Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Tender Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:47:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25270363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuriaSchnee/pseuds/NuriaSchnee
Summary: Suddenly, Aziraphale stood up, moving very slowly, and sat beside him. He didn’t have another option but rose his covered eyes to meet the sad blueness of his.“Will you let me hug you?” Aziraphale muttered, sounding hopeful.Crowley felt his brain short-circuiting. “What?”“Just once,” the angel pushed, although gently, “if you feel uncomfortable. I’ll just need to hug you once.”*************************After the Ritz, Crowley is worried that Aziraphale might have plans that doesn't include him, now he's free. Considering this, he's surprised when the angel offers him everything he'd ever wanted. And more.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 428





	Take Me To The Wild (I've Been Lonely)

Crowley would never admit it, but when they got out of the Ritz, he started to feel anxious.

The Apocalypse had been averted, they had survived and freed themselves of their respective chains, pulling them down and upwards. They had celebrated, laughed and rejoiced in their victory. However, things had still happened. Little things that were big issues for Crowley.

_I don’t even like you_. _We’re not friends_. _You go too fast for me_. All those sentences echoed in his head continuously, not giving him a break. And, if they did, the ghost of burned pages and ashes punched his olfactive senses as if he was still in the bookshop licked by furious flames, on the floor, calling for the angel.

Aziraphale hadn’t retracted any of those words still. He was acting as softly as usual towards Crowley but nothing was certain. They had an eternity of possibilities before them and Crowley had a clear idea of what to do with it: he wanted to spend every second the angel allowed by his side.

Nevertheless, Aziraphale could want to part ways now or see each other every now and then, a few times every decade, just like they did before. After what happened… After thinking the angel gone forever, Crowley wasn’t ready for that resolution. He felt as if, once he took his eyes away from him, he’d vanish like a mirage made of vapour.

Since all he had in his hands now was uncertainty, he cherished intensely every moment of their walk back to the bookshop. He listened to the angel with supreme attention, drinking from his radiant expressions of thrill and pure joy, and never, ever, stopped looking at him.

The first shades of twilight were painting the sky when they reached the bookshop. Crowley expected Aziraphale to stop by the door, maybe to wish him good night before getting in. He hoped to be invited in although, so this moment of celebration was prolonged a little longer. Instead, the angel continued his happy rambling and opened the door with his key —even if he didn’t need such a thing—, backing against it and clearly expecting him to get in. Crowley, happily surprised, slipped inside the place.

Aziraphale made a little recognition around the bookshop, same as always with just a couple of new details. He contemplated the angel, trying to shake the memories of the flames around him, the despair or realizing Aziraphale wasn’t there anymore. Crowley tried to focus in his joyful voice again, and remind himself that he was alive and well and right there before his eyes.

“Would you stay for a drink, dear?” Aziraphale asked eventually, approaching him, still standing near the door. “I don’t want to end the celebration yet,” he admitted, a little embarrassed, but completely thrilled.

“Sure,” Crowley said nonchalantly, trying to cover up his insecurities with it. Maybe the world had been about to end and themselves destroyed completely, but that seemed to stay intact.

He stepped deeper into the bookshop, certainly feeling uneasy, but let himself fall on the couch as always. With the fumbling the angel made while searching for a bottle and a couple of tumblers in the background, he looked around, his chest tightening slightly, breath becoming uneven. What a luck he didn’t really need oxygen.

The angel came back soon after, handing him the drink with a radiant smile and sat on his chair, starting to talk about the new books Adam had added. Crowley kept listening, drinking from the view as if he’d been suffering thirst since forever. Well… He had been, that wasn’t precisely an overstatement. But now, it was different. Now he knew how was not having another moment. He knew how was that there wouldn’t be another smile from the angel, another night of calmness in the bookshop, another rendezvous in a foreign city.

“Well… Have you something in mind?” The angel asked eventually.

Crowley came back to reality suddenly. “Uh, what?” He mumbled, having missed whatever the angel had said first.

Aziraphale furrowed a little, worried. “Are you quite alright?” He muttered softly, cautious.

“Yeah. Totally,” Crowley dismissed. “Was just off for a second.”

He didn’t seem to believe him totally, but went on. “I was saying if you’ve an idea of what to do with our recent freedom, now we have it. Something you would like to do in particular?”

_Our freedom_. Crowley sensed he was breathing even worse now. “ _Ehm_. Not really. Have you?” He opted to say.

Actually, he’d been doing whatever he wanted for a while now, even with Hell breathing down his neck. Aziraphale’s routine would be the one to change more, since he’d been so tied up to Heaven. The most probable thing was that he was the one to have more things in mind.

However, Aziraphale seemed a little put out with Crowley’s lack of answer. “A few, if I have to be honest,” he admitted, sounding a little embarrassed, serving himself another drink and taking a brief sip. His eyes met Crowley’s again, and the demon saw the masked insecurity in them. “We have a picnic pendant, if I recall well.”

“Think so,” Crowley mumbled, surprised that the angel still had that in mind.

“Maybe we could… Do it tomorrow, if you feel like,” Aziraphale offered, hesitating. “If you want to.”

“‘S fine for me.”

Aziraphale hummed contently, giving him a little smile that went through his heart. He swallowed down the whole content of his drink, trying to focus on the burning sensation speeding down his throat.

“May I ask you something, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked with a thin voice, after a few seconds of complete silence.

Crowley looked at him, his dark sunglasses still on place, alarmed at the sudden seriousness of his friend’s voice. The angel was staring back at him with a mix of worry and unsureness in his eyes and made Crowley sweat cold and his heart start to hammer inside his chest. _There_. _There it came_.

“When you said… When I found you after being discorporated, that… That you lost your best friend… Were you talking about,” he gulped, readjusting his posture with pure nervousness, “ _me_?”

Crowley heard himself suck on a breath, his chest raising and falling painfully. “‘Course I was talking about you,” he rasped, half exasperated, half hurt. “Who else could it be?”

“I needed to be sure,” Aziraphale sighed, seeming more relaxed now. “I just… I haven’t been a very good friend and… Well, really: I haven’t been a proper friend at all. I didn’t know if you still considered me as such.”

“Still do. Always ‘ve done,” Crowley managed to choke out; that was the most honest he could be now. “I wouldn’t let anybody annoy me like you do, angel.”

“Should I be thankful, for that?” The angel chuckled, his eyes sparkling.

“Definitely.”

“Thank you, then.”

Crowley growled, miracling more alcohol inside his tumbler, hiding his smirk behind it as he took a sip.

“Do you forgive me?” Aziraphale muttered, his tone sadder now, and startled Crowley again.

“For what?” He stared at him in disbelief.

“For not being good to you,” his blue eyes dropped to his lap, getting lost in the content of his tumbler. “During all this time.”

“Wha—?” Crowley furrowed. “What nonsense are you talking about? You’ve been the only one good to me, ever.”

Aziraphale rose his gaze right away, fixing on him with absolute and crushing sadness. “You have to be joking,” Aziraphale muttered.

“Have you forgot that fast about my lot? And the former one before that?” Crowley blurted out, almost snorting. “Not the nicest, either of them… So what?”

“But…” The angel stammered, suddenly seeming very alarmed. “You’ve been six millennia here. You’ve met a lot of people. You’ve had other friends and… Lovers,” he almost whispered, hesitant.

Crowley averted his eyes, sinking more on the couch and backing his head on the armrest. “Well… Yeah… Not sure if was so serious to name them as such,” Crowley said, feeling strangely uncomfortable. They never had talked about those things. “Humans die so fast and… I couldn’t connect with them the way they do with each other.” _Because I wanted it with you_ , _always with you_ , were the words that kept trapped in his throat and never saw the light.

“I’m sorry, Crowley,” he said, sorrowful. “If I had known you were so… Forsaken I would have…”

“I wasn’t,” he cut him off, faking offence.

Aziraphale paused. “You don’t have to do that anymore, you know?”

“Do what?”

“Fake that you don’t care,” Aziraphale said with the softest voice, as if he was trying to reassure him, and it made every inch of Crowley’s skin cover with goosebumps. “Although, I suspect it’s partly my fault.”

“Ugh… Really, angel,” he growled, tilting his head back more and then turning his face to the angel. “Weren’t we celebrating? What’s this gloomy mood suddenly?”

Aziraphale’s expression dropped even more, filling with a sadness he couldn’t stand. “I just… There’s a lot we’ve never talked about because of our situation and… I want to know what I missed because I never asked,” he pressed his lips onto a thin line. “I want to ask you now, if you’re alright with it.”

They had never talked about feelings and those things, true. And, considering Crowley felt his insides crumbling slowly, he didn’t feel he could now either. He didn’t want the angel to feel bad for all those times he’d felt his heart fucking breaking when he walked away or rejected him. He just wanted to see him smile. All that was forgotten and forgiven. There was no point in visiting such dark moments.

“There’s nothing you have to worry about,” Crowley said. “The past is in the past. Can we get back to celebrating now?”

Aziraphale nodded but didn’t look at him, taking another sip with not much interest. Crowley growled, knowing the cheerfulness was completely ruined and that the angel would be miserable if he didn’t agree to talk.

“ _Fine_ ,” he sighed with exasperation. “Ask whatever.”

“Are you sure?” Aziraphale muttered, concerned.

“Do it before I regret it.”

He heard him settle on his chair and Crowley breathed out roughly, closing his eyes for a second. He was feeling as falling in a deep pit and with nothing to hold himself onto.

“Were you actually miserable because of me?” Aziraphale asked. “Have I hurt you?”

“Demons don’t hurt,” Crowley snapped almost by instinct.

“Yes, but… I’m asking about you. Not about demons in general. You’re not like any of them. I know… You feel. I know you feel _deeply_.”

Crowley couldn’t avoid looking at him, scared like never before, but needing to see the angel’s expression after uttering that statement. Nevertheless, he was still looking sad, although his expression was softer now. He’d been worried about the angel noticing how deeply in love with him he was for centuries and he couldn’t think of a place far enough to hide if he ever did.

“What does that even mean?” Crowley growled, trying to keep collected.

“I’ve known you for six thousand years,” he just answered and Crowley wanted to sigh with absolute relief, but held back. “I know you care about everything more than you could show. Keeping appearances and all that jazz. And… I know I’ve hurt you. Too many times.”

The demon clenched his jaw. “And why are you asking if you know?”

“So you admit it.”

Crowley bit inside his cheek. The bastard had made him fall into the trap without realizing. “Yeah. Alright. You did. You did it a lot. Enough now?”

Aziraphale kept very quiet for a moment. “I’m so, so very sorry, dear,” he whispered in an apologetic tone, too sorrowful.

Crowley sat up, growling and rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. “Why do you want to do this?” Crowley said. “I don’t hold it against you. Didn’t want to tell you. There’s no point.”

“There is,” Aziraphale argued, although the sadness was still there. “I behaved horribly towards you and I don’t want it to keep unspoken now we’re starting this new life. You at least deserve an apology.”

“ _Fine_. You’ve apologized. Can we leave this behind already?” He breathed out, sensing a headache start to kick in. He miracled more alcohol inside his tumbler and drank it all at once.

Aziraphale didn’t answer and kept looking at him. Crowley didn’t raise his eyes, but sensed his gaze examining him, feeding his nerves even more. Suddenly, Aziraphale stood up, moving very slowly, and sat beside him. He didn’t have another option but rose his covered eyes to meet the sad blueness of his.

“Will you let me hug you?” Aziraphale muttered, sounding hopeful.

Crowley felt his brain short-circuiting. “What?”

“Just once,” the angel pushed, although gently, “if you feel uncomfortable. I’ll just need to hug you once.”

The demon blinked, not believing his ears. It took him a few seconds to give him a nod of approval, starting to shake like a leaf with the wind when he felt the angel approaching more, his arms raising to encircle him. His whole body lighted up and every one of his muscles tensed when Aziraphale placed his palms on his back delicately, approaching their bodies until there was little space between them. The angel sighed, embracing him more tightly once closer, and rested his forehead on his shoulder. Crowley was completely stiff, unable to move, shaken by the gentleness of the angel covering him, by his warmth and softness enveloping his spirit. He couldn’t believe he was being hugged. And by Aziraphale. They had never been that close and Crowley was about to combust and shatter completely.

“I’m so sorry, Crowley,” he sighed against his shoulder. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. You’ve always been there and…” He hugged him harder, his hands almost clenching his vest. “I haven’t.”

“You had to… Set free from Heaven,” Crowley cleared his throat, trying to get the words out of his mouth. “I know… The grip it had on you. I won’t tease you with it anymore.”

“Oh,” Aziraphale uttered, surprised, and Crowley would’ve sworn he was smiling softly against his shoulder. “I thought you liked to mess with me.”

“Yeah but… ‘S not fun now,” his mind was clouding, the scent of the angel too powerful for him to fight back how it affected him.

“Why?”

He gulped, unable to breath. _Because I lost you. I lost you and the last thing I said to you was dismissive. I hang up on you. I lost you and I didn’t help. I didn’t come when you needed me. I don’t want to hurt you more, not even for teasing._ He thought, but didn’t utter a word.

He felt the catastrophe coming the second he actually started trembling, the memory of smoke and flames and loss hitting him without mercy, and the tears started to gather on the edge of his eyes. Crowley wanted to stand up, say goodnight and flee before the angel noticed. But it was too late.

Aziraphale backed away, keeping his palms on his back, keeping them close, but stared into his eyes with utter worry, searching through the darkness of his glasses.

“Crowley, what is it?” He whispered and his eyes opened wide, probably finding something in his expression Crowley wasn’t even aware of. “Dear…” He rose his hands to his face, cupping his cheeks with supreme carefulness, with a softness that was almost unbearable. “What’s wrong?”

It was too late. Too late and, suddenly, it didn’t seem so bad. He’d lived the worst moment of his whole existence barely a day ago and breaking the façade a little now, letting a little of his feelings show, didn’t seem so bad. So, Crowley sobbed and tilted his face down, pressing his forehead against the angel’s shoulder. He took off his glasses, throwing them somewhere, and started crying as he’d done in the Bentley, driving to any pub he spotted first, realizing his friend was gone forever. Dead. Vanished.

Aziraphale didn’t say a thing yet, but Crowley sensed one of his hands caressing his head, reassuring, fingers gently combing his hair and caressing his nape. Crowley allowed himself to hug the angel back, to held onto him like he wanted to do when he sensed him at the pub and couldn’t.

“I thought you were gone, that they had killed you,” he cried eventually, his words sounding a little muffled against the angel’s shoulder. “Thought they got revenge on you, that it was hellfire. And I hung up on you. You might’ve called for help and I… I did nothing. Everything… Was burning and I couldn’t find you. I couldn’t. And I sensed you go. I was driving and then I couldn’t sense you. _Aziraphale_ …”

“Oh, my dear,” he breathed out, shaking too, pulling him closer. “I didn’t know… You thought that. I’m really sorry. It was an accident, really. I stepped into the powered circle without meaning to and, well…”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Crowley puffed, his voice trembling. “How stupid. You complete idiot.”

“I am,” he hugged him tighter and Crowley sensed a soft pressure on his temple, letting out a muffled cry when realized it was a kiss. “Everything’s fine now. I’m here. We both are.”

Crowley emitted a whimper that he tried to hold back but couldn’t. He couldn’t stop crying now he’d started. Aziraphale kept caressing him as if he was the most delicate thing in the universe, and made him whimper harder.

“I understand,” Aziraphale said. “Let it all out. I know how it hurts.”

“What?” He sniffled, curious, but not brave enough to affront the shame of raising his head. “You do?”

“Yes. I’ve been scared of losing you for a very long time as well.”

The demon furrowed, trying to swallow down his cries and sobs, needing an explanation immediately. “Of losing me?”

“Since 1862, to be exact.”

“Seriously?” Crowley grunted softly. “For the holy water? Did you really think I wanted to kill myself?”

“I did,” Aziraphale whispered. “I still did, after giving you the thermos. I tried to convince myself, to believe your words but… I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And… After I denied it to you… You disappeared and I thought… I was so afraid at first, that you’d acquired in another way and… Used it. Until then, I never thought you could disappear. I always thought you’d eventually come back, that you’ll appear whenever, wherever I was. But, when you asked me that… It was the first time I realized you might never return. You can’t imagine how many nights I thought about you. Every night, honestly. I hoped you knew I wanted you to come back. I hoped with all of me that you knew even if… I said such horrible things to you.”

“Angel…” Crowley sighed, feeling his heart breaking.

“You can’t imagine how I felt at Hell,” he admitted, his voice trembling, “seeing a bath full of holy water. It was my worst nightmare come true. And… If we hadn’t figured out Agnes’ prophecy you would have…”

The angel’s voice broke definitely with a sob and Crowley stiffened, hugging him tighter by instinct. He’d never heard Aziraphale crying and it felt even worse than himself bawling his eyes out. Aziraphale hugged him tighter too, sinking his face on his shoulder again and started to emit little whimpers, shaking in the embrace.

“I’ll never ever deny you. Never again,” the angel cried, voice full of hurt and sorrow. “I’ll never do you wrong from now on.”

He slowly pulled away, cupping the demon’s face with a gesture so soft that it almost made Crowley break into pieces between his hands. He saw the hurt and the sadness in the angel’s eyes, now reddish, and he sensed his own having gone full snake. He didn’t care, not with the perfection of the moment, of having Aziraphale so close to him, touching him so sweetly, alive and whole.

“Say it, Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered, his voice a little hoarse and, even if his words didn’t tremble, he could see a little of unsureness in him. “Say it if you’re ready. I am now… To hear it.”

“What?” He sighed, anxiety creeping up his chest.

“What you feel,” the angel cleared up, gulping. “I thought I’d never have the chance to hear you say it but… We’re free and we have all the possibilities we want for ourselves.”

Crowley shivered with sheer terror, but Aziraphale caressed his cheeks with his thumbs and the tears streamed down the demon’s cheeks again. “You know…”

“For a while, yes,” Aziraphale dropped his eyes between them, regret reflecting on his face. “I’m ashamed of it but… I didn’t realize sooner because I was in denial you could feel that and, I never… Even if I’ve always sensed it, I never related it with you but… After so much time, I realized it was you and I saw what you always did for me and how you looked at me and talked to me and…” He stammered, looking up to meet his eyes again, a thin layer of tears covering them again. “And then I was so terrified for both of us to acknowledge it. I had to cut you off, even if didn’t want to.”

Crowley grimaced, closing his eyes and tilting his head down. “Ngk. _Angel_. You…”

“Just if you are ready, my dear,” Aziraphale muttered, closing the distance and pressing his forehead against his. “I want to make up to you every time I’ve hurt you. And you’ve been holding back for so long… I want to free you from that weight.”

“No…” Crowley breathed out, shaking, horrified. “This won’t… You… I can’t…”

Aziraphale let out a soft laugh, breathy. “Oh, you really are being oblivious now,” he muttered, sounding a little amused, caressing the line of Crowley’s cheekbones. “Maybe… It’ll make it easier if I say it first. I think I owe you to take the first step myself this time.”

“Uh… _What_?” Crowley’s mind was spiralling down very fast, hope and fear colliding inside him.

Aziraphale caressed his face again, taking his time through the silence, and Crowley sensed his hot breath caressing his lips. He was about to die. He’d discorporate right there, right then. _What was happening? What was this?_

“I love you, Anthony J. Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered ever so tenderly, pouring his whole soul into the words. “I’m in love with you, wholeheartedly, completely, and irrevocably.”

Crowley backed away roughly, even if he didn’t mean to, staring into the angel’s eyes as if he had grown to heads suddenly. He saw the regret starting to appear on Aziraphale’s face, and he let go of him right away. Crowley wanted to whimper at the loss of his touch and warmth, but his brain had shut off completely.

“Sorry. Maybe it wasn’t the moment yet,” Aziraphale stammered, looking worried to the bone now. “I… We can… We can forget it if you don’t…”

“What the actual hell have you said?” Crowley sighed, feeling his body too light suddenly. The angel stiffened, even more scared now. “I need you… To repeat that.”

“I-I-I’m… In love with you?” Aziraphale babbled, his hands fidgeting on his lap now and, one second after, he was standing, putting space between them and reaching for the bottle and the tumbler and pouring more alcohol inside it. “I apologize. Maybe I misunderstood what you were radiating. I… I thought you too felt… But it’s really alright if you don’t. Really. It’s tickety-boo. I just…”

“ _Aziraphale_ ,” Crowley stated and the angel went silent. He stared at his completely still friend, giving him his back.

Aziraphale turned around very slowly, fixing his blurry eyes on him, and Crowley softened so much it was almost impossible physically. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe the warmness wrapping his heart, the hope of what was about to happen, now the first shock was fading.

“Get back here, c’mon,” Crowley urged with a soft voice and Aziraphale averted his gaze, leaving the tumbler aside and sitting with him again. Crowley watched him with caution but with utter fondness too. He reached for his hand, interlacing their fingers and the angel snapped his head up, giving him a fearful look. “I am too,” he gulped, furrowing. _Come on_. He needed to make an effort with his words now. “I’m in love with you too.”

Aziraphale gasped, light returning to his eyes, and Crowley started to sweat at the sight of so much grace coming from him, so much joy. He tightened his fingers, trapping Crowley’s hand harder, making him shiver at the emotion just that simple muscular reaction gave him.

“And, just so you know… I’d never have left you alone on Earth,” Crowley said. “Never. I couldn’t, for fuck’s sake… I can’t. You’re an expert in getting into trouble whenever I take my eyes away from you.”

Aziraphale snickered, tilting his head down a little, and Crowley’s chest warmed up, feeling victorious for having made the angel less anxious.

“Angel… Look at me,” he whispered and Aziraphale kept quiet for a second, but obliged at last. “Is this true? Are you actually sure this is what you feel?

Crowley needed to be sure. He was letting hope take over him after the angel’s confession and, even if he thought he could endure that it was just a reaction to the traumatic events they had lived the past hours… He wasn’t sure he could.

“I am sure,” Aziraphale answered without a little bit of hesitation.

He breathed in, feeling his throat tightening and every one of his nerve endings coming alive with a rush of electricity running over him. Crowley let out a little growl, rubbing his nape. “Fuck… I thought you didn’t… I’ve thought so since forever. When has this changed?”

“Well,” Aziraphale titled his head, his cheeks filling with a vivid blush. “I can’t be completely sure when it started but… I realized the night you saved me from those nazis, although, looking back a little maybe… I started to feel it changing around the sixteenth century.”

“ _The sixteenth century_?” Crowley screeched. _Unbelievable_. “Can’t be serious…”

The angel twisted, uncomfortable. “Forgive me, dear. I… There was no way we could… And I wasn’t sure.”

“I know. _I know_ ,” he assured with a rough voice, trying to process everything. “Oh, my fucking Go-Sat… _Ugh. Someone_ ,” he rubbed his eyes with his fingertips, trying to compose himself.

“Are you upset?” The angel asked, hesitating again.

“No. ‘Course not. _C’mon_. You just said you love me. Love me _love me_. How can you possibly think I’m upset?” He rushed to say, too fast, still rubbing his eyes.

“I-I don’t know,” he babbled, unsure. “You’re having a strange reaction, honestly.”

“‘M trying to process,” he sighed. “ _Angel_. I loved you practically since the first time we met. This is quite a lot.”

“Y-You…? So much time?” Aziraphale vacillated, his voice trembling with emotion and a little bit of sadness.

“ _Yeah_.”

“ _Oh,”_ he breathed out. _“Oh, dear_.”

Crowley dropped his hand at last, his eyes laying on Aziraphale again, who was looking a little lost, and dishevelled, and utterly, shatteringly beautiful.

“Do you…?” Aziraphale gulped and his pose broke suddenly, letting go of Crowley’s hands and hiding his face for a moment behind them. “Oh, my goodness…” He sighed, uncovering after a moment. “Forgive me. I didn’t think… It was that much time.”

“‘S fine,” Crowley assured. “It’s been worth it.”

“Really?” Aziraphale pouted with sorrow written on the lines of his expression. “Because… You can have anyone and… I’ve hurt you so much. You certainly deserve more than that.”

“Never thought I really deserved a little bit of what you’re giving me now, so… I’m more than content now,” Crowley admitted, a little embarrassed to say so.

Aziraphale gasped, outraged. “ _What_?” He rasped, seeming as if he wanted to stand, so taken aback as he looked all of a sudden. “You…! You deserve _everything_! How can you think you don’t? It’s _ridiculous_!”

“Hey! You just doubted yourself and I haven’t bitten down on your jugular!” Crowley protested. “It’s the fucking same.”

“It’s certainly not the same!”

“It is!”

“You’re so…” Aziraphale clenched his jaw, his angelic features twisting with impotence. “ _So_ …”

“What?” Crowley pushed. “C’mon. _What?_ ”

“Perfect,” he blurted out, relaxing right after. “You are perfect.”

Crowley felt as if the words had gone through his chest, knocking all the air out of his lungs, and he felt his whole face burning with blush. He wanted to protest, blurt out that he wasn’t, but then Aziraphale smiled widely, and the words escaped him again.

“I love you so much,” Aziraphale whispered and Crowley could see the hope in his eyes. “We have the liberty to do whatever we want now. Do you want to… Be with me? Or, maybe… We could go on as always and… Let the things flow?”

“I… Want to be with you. ‘Course I do. _What a stupid question_ ,” Crowley managed to stammer, feeling incredibly soft and tingly.

Aziraphale sighed in relief. “Thank goodness. I was hoping you would,” he admitted, beaming.

“ _Really_. I’ve just told you I’ve been in love you this whole time and that I’d fucking died inside when I thought you were gone. Why are you still doubting?” He said, surprised it had gone out so clearly, considering his whole being was shaking. It was irritating that the angel thought so poorly of the intensity of his feelings.

The angel pouted a little. “I just… This is too good to be true, you know? I’m afraid to… Have fallen asleep reading and wake up with everything back to normal. I want this to be true so badly...”

Crowley breathed in, braced himself, and approached the angel before he could regret that advance or his body collapsed with emotion. He placed a soft kiss on the angel’s forehead and pulled back before his nerves set on fire at the soft and warm feeling of his skin.

He looked at Aziraphale, contemplating him as a furious blush took over his features and couldn’t help a little smirk to reach his lips, tingling with the sensation of the little kiss.

“‘S not a dream. Do you want to know why?” Crowley said and Aziraphale nodded slightly, barely. “‘Cause I dreamed of this, of you and me, almost every night I’ve slept. And none of my dreams has been this perfect. It’s definitely real, so…”

“Crowley…” He whispered, his voice trembling with emotion, tears reaching his eyes again.

“Anything you want, I’ll give it to you. However you want me,” the demon muttered with absolute sincerity, searching for the angel’s hands and interlacing their fingers. “‘M yours.”

All of a sudden, his back was hitting the sofa, pushed back with the force of a crushing kiss the angel had placed on his lips, his whole body surrendering to the gravity of the angel colliding against him, dragging him down. Crowley let out a muffled moan, still processing that the angel was kissing him. Aziraphale was kissing him, moving over him, not laying over him but so close and _fuck_. He gave in completely the first second the angel deepened the kiss, producing a soft cry of pleasure and relief. Aziraphale anchored his fingers in his hair, kissed him with a passion that made him tremble all over, and whimpered when Crowley held onto his back desperately, his heart bursting with aeons of repressed love. He lost himself in the sensation of Aziraphale’s lips, so soft, so warm. _Shit._ It was killing him. He’d never felt something to pleasurable, so deeply emotive. He’d never been kissed with such intensity, with a need that called for him. Him whole —wicked soul and damned heart included—, and not only his body. And it was Aziraphale doing so. _The angel was really kissing him_ , sighing and moaning when Crowley parted his lips to allow their tongues to meet, and the soft and wet caress he laid on Aziraphale’s tore the demon open, turning him into a mess of moans and heat and… He couldn’t believe this was happening.

Aziraphale pulled back suddenly and Crowley whimpered at the loss, giving a questioning look at the flustered and embarrassed angel trapping him against the sofa. Crowley gaped a little, contemplating him, lips swollen and features lighted up with furious blush. His heart beat even more wildly —and, yes, that could still happen, even after receiving a kiss that, until then, only could’ve happened in his most indulgent dreams—. Aziraphale looked painfully angelic and Crowley thought his soul would evaporate if his corporation continued raising its temperature.

“Oh… Uh… I apologize, dear. I got carried away. Maybe… You’ve been so gentle. I wanted our first kiss to be sweet and… I’m so sorry,” he rushed, babbling, trying to excuse himself.

Crowley laughed, about to combust due to amusement and emotion colliding inside him. “‘S been fanta _ssss_ tic. Don’t fret.”

“Sure?” He whispered.

“ _Ugh_. Yeah,” Crowley said, blushing even more. His face was very close to set on fire now. His whole body, in fact. He wrestled a little. “Come back here and do it again.”

Aziraphale lowered once more, supporting himself on his forearms at every side of Crowley, and he kept his arms around the angel. They both breathed in and out shudderingly, staring into their eyes with longing and pure love reflected there, and reached for each other after a moment.

Their lips joined with slowness now, moving their mouths at the sound of a waltz of soft breaths and whimpers. Crowley trembled and furrowed, overwhelmed by the gentleness of Aziraphale over him, the raw emotion of his kisses, and he realized how a tension he didn’t know he had was slowly vanishing. He hadn’t realized the extremes his starvation had reached. The feeling of the angel kissing him, loving him so openly, covering him with his whole body as if he was his own bright sky —although he actually was—, was a celestial light enveloping him, one that didn’t belong to Heaven or to Her. It was just Aziraphale and that pure feeling of his was only directed to Crowley.

They kept kissing and kissing, never backing away from the other, and ended up laying on their sides, bodies barely apart. They stayed there when the kisses stopped, looking at the other, hands caressing curls and locks of red hair, cheeks and lips.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale sighed eventually.

“Hmm?” He muttered, too occupied with caressing the angel’s hair, satisfying at last the need to caress him, to properly caress him.

“Thank you,” he muttered, staring at him with a sudden raw feeling on his eyes, “for never giving up on me.”

“Don’t have to thank me, seriously,” Crowley said, playing with one of his pale curls, lowering his fingertips to his jaw and returning his gaze to his face.

“But I want to and… I want to know I didn’t mean what I said at the bandstand.”

“Got that already,” Crowley smirked. “’S pretty obvious you like me at least a little bit.”

Aziraphale laughed and Crowley was glad to hear that sound again, so he reached for him to place another soft kiss on his lips, getting caught by the sensation very fast. Oh, fuck… He’d never get tired of this, he was sure.

The angel seemed to get carried by it as well, one of his hands lowering to Crowley’s neck as the demon kissed him with a sweetness he hadn’t been allowed to show until then. And Aziraphale’s touch kept lowering and lowering, tracing a hot but invisible line down his body: his shoulder, his collarbone, pectoral, belly… Until reaching the line of Crowley’s trousers. When he sensed the burning fingertips of the angel over his clothes, near a dangerous zone, he couldn’t help breaking the kiss and let out the yelp he’d been holding back.

Aziraphale examined his features as if was the first time he was seeing him. However, there wasn’t reluctance and mistrust, like the actual first time; just adoration, and want, and the purest love he’d ever seen. Crowley realized then that Aziraphale had been holding back his feelings just as much as he’d been. He’d just been wiser in hiding them. The demon, even with his whole façade of nonchalance and security, had slipped in showing his feelings more than once.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” Aziraphale whispered, his fingers raising again, travelling up his side and finding their permanent placement on small of the demon’s back.

“Ngk,” Crowley said, shrinking and blushing. What a nonchalant demon. _Sure_.

Aziraphale smiled widely, laughing softly, and placed a soft peck on his lips. “You’re so adorable. Don’t ever hide this from me.”

“‘M not adorable, angel. Don’t say those things. I’ve a reputation,” he growled.

“Nobody is looking anymore,” he reminded him, kissing his cheek now. “Show me all of you. I want to know everything you’ve had to hold back. Good and bad, and whatever’s in the middle.”

“You’re really very calm about this,” Crowley sighed when the angel travelled lower, kissing his jaw. “Are you sure you’re alright with… All the Heaven thing? I know it’s been a hard hit.”

The angel stilled, sighing, and hid his face under Crowley’s chin. He shivered at the warm feeling of the angel’s skin touching his in such a delicate place, warming him up and doing very weird things to his heart.

“It’s true. And it hurts but… It hurts more that I’ve been neglecting you to defend them and… Now I just want to focus on us,” he rose again to lock his gaze with Crowley’s. “I want to be happy with you, now we can. Cherish and love you for every time I wouldn’t. Or couldn’t.”

Crowley gulped, caressing his cheek with the back of his fingers with supreme tenderness. “If you ever… Feel bad, about everything,” he muttered, “tell me, alright?”

“I will,” the angel beamed, almost blinding him. “Will you stay the night? I know it’s soon still but…”

“If you want me to, ‘course I will,” Crowley said, hopeful. He wasn’t sure he could leave that night after what had happened. He was certain that if he didn’t kiss the angel at every moment now, he’d collapse.

“I do,” he breathed out, taking his hands to cup Crowley’s cheeks, pulling him to a soft kiss. “Stay, please.”

Crowley muttered, agreeing, enchanted, and deepened the kiss, softly licking inside the angel’s mouth, caressing his tongue and lips almost reverently. Aziraphale sighed and moaned softly, making his insides tremble with such sounds, letting Crowley take the lead of the kiss, giving in completely.

When the kiss broke, Aziraphale hid on his neck again, nuzzling, and Crowley smiled at the slight tingling it caused, hugging him closer.

“This sofa is horribly uncomfortable,” Aziraphale uttered eventually. “How have you been sleeping here for two centuries and didn’t give me a warning. I’d have found another better.”

“‘S not that bad,” he chuckled. “I’ve had very comfortable nights here.”

“Sure,” the angel muttered sarcastically. “It’s a rock.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m… What did you say? A wily old serpent?” Crowley teased and the angel made a soft groan of protest. “Snakes sleep on rocks sometimes. And they’re fine. I can do that too.”

“Sleep on a rock?”

“Well, yeah. Not what I meant. On the roof maybe, if the bed makes me anxious.”

“You have a pretty comfortable bed,” he pointed out, because he knew. Crowley had let him rest there the night after they averted the Armageddon.

“Not if I can’t sleep.”

“That’s not the bed’s fault,” the angel said and nuzzled more against his neck. “Does that happen often?”

“No.”

Aziraphale sighed. “Well… If you want to sleep some tonight, I’ll be calmer if you use my bed upstairs.”

Crowley snorted. “Your bed? The one covered with a tartan duvet?”

“I’ll change the duvet if it’s such a bother,” he sighed tiredly.

The demon backed away to see his face and gave him a devilish smirk, ready to tease him harder now he was feeling less anxious and the angel seemed in a better mood too. “Do you want to take me upstairs for some reason, _angel_?” He said with a sultry tone.

He had expected the angel to dismiss it and answer back with whatever. However, the way his blue eyes widened and his whole face covered with intense blush… He hadn’t expected that and it made him blush as well, realizing he’d hit the nail on the head.

“I-I-I wasn’t…” Aziraphale babbled. “I mean… You… I thought that maybe we could…”

“ _What?_ ” Crowley wasn’t exactly demanding an explanation; he was just too confused to let the spiral of confusion inside his head unspoken.

Aziraphale made a squeaking sound, completely embarrassed. “I thought we could, since… We’re… Established? Though we could sleep… Together.”

Crowley needed a moment to process what he was hearing and, when that moment passed, his whole body seemed to activate at once. He backed on his forearm, raising a little, looking at the angel from above now, who was waiting anxiously for an answer.

“Wait _a sec_ ,” Crowley blurted out with a rough voice, too shaken by what was happening. “Are you actually talking about sleeping or…?”

“Whatever… You want to do, really,” Aziraphale whispered, almost choking on his words, not confirming or denying, and that made the demon fall into madness even faster.

“No. No. _No_. I need you to be clear right now. _Very clear_ ,” he demanded, feeling his body crumbling at the implications of it all. “I won’t take a step upstairs ‘til you are.”

This was the fucking best that had ever happened to him and he rather be damned again before spoiling it, driven by a vague proposition.

“I don’t actually sleep, so…” Was what Aziraphale chose to say, even redder, and it was far from enough.

“That doesn’t clear it up.”

The angel grunted, covering his face with one of his hands. “I want to have sex with you, alright? Is that clear enough?”

Crowley felt his throat tightening and his lungs rioting against the oxygen trying to get in. “Very much, yeah,” he breathed out, barely able to talk.

_Oh, fuck. Fuck. FUCK. He’d definitely collapse now._ His heart was hammering painfully in his chest, wilder than ever, and his body felt so weak it’d probably turn into a pool of melted demon at any moment. He could barely hold himself whole while kissing him. Just the thought of their naked bodies touching, the warmth of them joining together… Just the thought was making him burn in a fire that wasn’t merciful at all.

Aziraphale looked at him with concern when he kept quiet. “There’s no need to… Do it tonight. Or ever, if you don’t want to,” he hurried to explain.

“No, I mean… Yeah,” Crowley said, clearing his throat and realizing right away he was failing miserably in appearing cool and collected. “Let’s… Go upstairs and… _Yup_.”

He stood up, careful to avoid his knees from giving in, considering how weak his legs felt, and waited for the angel to do the same. Aziraphale still gave him a reluctant and concerned look and Crowley averted his eyes for a second.

“Go first and change… The duvet and all that. I’ll go in a minute,” Crowley asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Aziraphale nodded and walked away slowly, disappearing when he climbed the stairs at the bottom of the place. When Crowley was completely sure he was alone and the angel couldn’t hear him, he covered his face with his hands and breathed out shudderingly.

“ _Shit, shit, shit, shit_ ,” he whispered roughly.

He uncovered, reaching the table near Aziraphale’s seat and grabbed the wine bottle, drinking directly from it and miracling away instantly the taste from his mouth when he was finished, but leaving the alcohol in his system. He was _fucked_. He wasn’t going to survive this. It’d be too much for his poor, damned heart. But… Oh, fuck. _Fuck_. He wanted so much to die if it was like this.

In denial still that all this was happening, he breathed in and made his way upstairs, reaching the little flat above the bookshop. It hadn’t much more than a little kitchen, a cosy living room and a bedroom at the end of the short hall that connected it all. He walked down the hall, reaching the bedroom and holding himself on the doorstep.

His gaze locked instantly with Aziraphale’s, who was standing near the foot of the bed. He drifted his attention to it, now covered with black sheets made of what seemed to be silk. They resembled very much the ones Crowley used, but looked weird in the middle of so much cosiness. The bed seemed bigger too, although he wasn’t completely sure about that.

“We don’t have to do this,” Aziraphale muttered, unsure, “if you really don’t want to.”

Crowley approached him, cursing his own legs and reminding them _not to fucking stumble now_. Nevertheless, he kept his expression serious and reached the angel, cupping his face gently.

“I want to,” he just said with a soft voice, almost a whisper, not trusting his voice to say anything else, or in a higher tone. Hopefully, it’d have sounded sultry.

Aziraphale breathed out and approached him more, his lids half closing, pupils shining while observing his features. Crowley tried to contain the pool of nervousness growing inside his belly, although he was starting to tremble under the desire starting to sparkle on the angel’s expression and his skin was betraying him, covering with sweat.

The angel rose his hands to his neck, clinging onto it gently, pulling him down to a soft kiss, slow, cautious. Crowley met him in that calmness, even if he was boiling up inside. _Step by step. Just think of now_ , he repeated himself, knowing that if he started imagining things he would die right now.

He deepened the kiss, pushing Crowley down more, and licked his lips softly, as if asking permission. The demon whimpered, giving access to his tongue, which found its way in, caressing his with supreme carefulness, Aziraphale seeming not to mind at all that Crowley’s was already forked. Then, he freed his face, grabbing Crowley’s still hands at his sides, and took them to his bowtie.

“Undress me,” he asked softly, backing away just a second, giving him a pleading look.

Crowley swallowed down a sound of excitement at that and let the angel take the lead of the kiss, his hands roaming over his back, while he worked on untying the bowtie and hide the trembling of his fingers while doing so. When it was undone, Crowley pulled away from the kiss, gasping, and looking at the piece of clothing over his palm, then around to find a place to put it down. If he threw it on the floor, the angel would probably smite him for real.

He was startled when the angel grabbed it and threw it to the floor himself, pulling him to his lips again grabbing the chest of his vest to do so. He kissed him with that demolishing passion again, the one that made him tremble all over, and took his hand again to his clothes, urging the demon silently to keep the undressing going.

Always compliant, he managed to set every one of the buttons of his vest free while the angel kissed him as if he wanted to devour him. He let it fall to the floor and Aziraphale helped, shrugging his shoulders, and when Crowley started to work on his shirt, the angel began to return the favour, loosening Crowley’s tie until it was gone, unbuttoning his vest which joined his on the floor.

Aziraphale broke the kiss when Crowley slid his shirt down his arms, keeping his face close but gasping softly. Crowley didn’t take his gaze away from his eyes, watching closely how his pupils were expanding, breathing in the angel’s soft gasps. When the shirt fell to the floor, Aziraphale emitted a little whimper, his eyes flickering for a second to glance down to the space between their bodies, just to raise again to the demon’s face. He put his hands, tentative, on Crowley’s waist, making him gasp at the touch, shiver at the way his fingers searched the edge of his undershirt. Understanding, he grabbed the back of it and pushed it up, taking it off, gulping when he saw how Aziraphale’s eyes sparkled and his cheeks turned redder at the sight of his bare trunk. His body grew even hotter when he noticed the angel was trying to raise his eyes to his face again but seemed unable, inspecting every inch of his skin compulsively.

When the angel managed to look at him in the eye once more, Crowley was petrified by the intense desire over himself he was feeling, coming in crushing waves from the angel. His legs seemed about to give in again. Aziraphale blushed even more, probably realizing Crowley had noticed his state very clearly, state that wasn’t very holy. Crowley would be lying blatantly if he said it wasn’t turning him on to the extreme of his body hurting with want. But he would be slow and soft. He would be as much patient and resilient as the angel needed.

Considering this, he was obviously surprised when he was grabbed by the waist with a rough grip and pulled to a hungry kiss. Aziraphale bit his lower lip and rose his hands to touch his naked belly, making Crowley moan loudly. He pushed him towards the bed, making him fall backwards and, with it, breaking the kiss. Crowley stared up in awe for a second, before being trapped under another rushed kiss and the angel straddling his lap. Aziraphale caressed his chest and ribs, exploring every edge fast but sure, seeming to want to touch every inch of him. Crowley started to shake, not just because of the touch, but by how hot his hands were. It was the sweetest burning sensation he’d ever feel and it made his cells sing and his senses reel with sheer need.

He was so gone, so under his angel’s spell, that he slid his hand under Aziraphale’s undershirt almost by pure instinct, needing to touch him too, to feel _more_ , to feel _all of him_. He barely brushed his belly with his fingertips before Aziraphale pulled away abruptly, standing on his knees with Crowley trapped between them. Crowley blinked once, confused, with his body still trembling from what was happening. Aziraphale seemed ashamed right way, pressing his lips onto a thin line.

“Ah… Uhm… I’ve done _ssss_ omethin’ wrong?” Crowley muttered, the hiss slipping out of his control, trying to understand why that slight brush had been such a triggering.

“No. Oh, goodness, no,” Aziraphale assured, leaning over again and cupping his face gently. “I’ve just… You startled me a little, is all.”

Crowley breathed in shudderingly. “Ssstarled you?” He asked in a faint voice, still not understanding

“Y-Yes,” Aziraphale said softly, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Crowley’s, both of them sighing at the touch. “It’s just… I… Actually…”

“What?” Crowley’s hands itched to reach him and caress him to reassure, but after such rection he was unsure.

“It’s actually foolish,” he mumbled.

“Don’t care. Tell me.”

Aziraphale emitted a hesitant sound and sighed deeply. “Do you… Do you think I’m… A little too soft?”

Those words triggered an immediate reaction in Crowley, grabbing Aziraphale’s face to push him away enough to look directly into his eyes. “ _What?_ ” Crowley growled. The angel squirmed, uncomfortable, and Crowley squished his cheeks a little, tightening his grip. “Why are you saying that as if it was a bad thing?”

“Not what I meant, that. I just… I thought that maybe you might fancy something a little different. Since your past lovers were… Well, more like you.”

“Aziraphale,” he grunted, equally worried and embarrassed. He didn’t want to admit what he was about to say, but he couldn’t handle the angel concerned about such nonsense. “I’ve just wanted you, okay? I… They were different ‘cause I couldn’t… Do it if they made me think of you. I didn’t desire any of them. I… Just you. So, don’t you ever fret about this again. I won’t allow it. Why do you even think that? I thought you liked your corporation.”

“I do, but…” Aziraphale whispered, seemed overwhelmed suddenly. Crowley could see his brain short-circuiting. “Never mind… I’m just being silly.”

“Yeah, you are,” he answered, softening under the angel. Gulping, he reached for the edge of his undershirt and pulled it up, him helping as Crowley took it off. He threw it somewhere and placed his palms softly on his chest, caressing gently his blond hair there, the softness of his skin against his hands making him shiver and creating a pool of electricity in his stomach. “But I… Fucking adore you anyway.”

Aziraphale’s eyes got misty and he repressed a whimper, reaching for him to fill his mouth and face with rushed and hungry kisses, fuelled by Crowley finally exploring openly his body, caressing and grasping every place he could. The soft sighs and moans the angel was making made Crowley lose a little more of his control, and hugged him, pressing their bodies together and that amount of touch felt like a shock for a second, both of them uttering a moan that was close to a scream.

And, if that had felt like a shock, Crowley wasn’t ready to suddenly feel the angel’s body completely naked over him that fast. Because, suddenly, _they were both naked_. They uttered a shocked gasp, pulling away from the kiss to look at each other, faces burning. Well… Their whole bodies were burning and now there was no way to hide it.

“H-Have you…?” Crowley stuttered, trying, for a second, not to think about the hardness pressing against his belly. He was sure he hadn’t been the one who miracled the clothes away.

“I… I think I have,” Aziraphale said, seeming as distressed as aroused. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“Uhm… Ngk… Don’t. We would’ve… Ended up like this anyway, no?” Crowley tried to reassure him and _not to think about the hardening hardness pressing against his belly_.

“Y-Yes, but…” His voice died down and he swallowed down, hiding his face on Crowley’s neck, uttering a whimper of shame.

He chuckled, placing his palms on his back. “You feel perfect, angel. This is perfect,” he sighed, his eyes half shutting. “Don’t worry.”

Aziraphale rose his face, a subtle pout on his lips, and that made Crowley smile wider. He took his hands to the sides of his face, caressing his curls, examining the beautifulness of his features, feeling his heart soaring and certain lower part of his body twitching and swelling more. The angel blushed deeper, clearly having felt that. Crowley cleared his throat.

“What do you want to do?” He asked with a soft tone, trying to keep his arousal contained. They had moved fast enough for a while; the situation had to be controlled again. “How do you want to do this?”

“Huh… I don’t have a preference, really,” he muttered.

“Alright. But… There has to be something you want to do now. Anything you want, tell me.”

Aziraphale seemed to think about it, furrowing sadly a little. “I… I don’t know,” he whined. “I just… I thought about you in every possible way and… I can’t pick one.”

He wasn’t expecting that. His whole body turned into a kettle boiling up, sounds included. “Uhm… Ah… What? Y-You thought about… Me?”

“Plenty,” he admitted with a shy whisper.

“W-W-Well… Do you… Mmmmh… Have, maybe, a favourite th-thought?” He wanted to evaporate. He couldn’t be less nonchalant about this. “We can go with the ba _sss_ ics, if you prefer.”

“That would be better, I think,” Aziraphale said. “Would you mind if I… Do things to you first?”

Yeah. He was definitely a kettle boiling up now. However, he tried to contain the way his whole being was vibrating with the thought of it. And _that way to say it_ , for fuck’s sake. He was so deeply in love with that ridiculous angel it physically hurt.

Crowley just nodded, giving him permission silently because he didn’t trust his voice right now. The angel breathed out, pressing a soft peck against his lips before lowering, slowly tracing a line of sloppy and reverent kisses down his body. He kissed his neck, sucked the skin under his collarbones with supreme gentleness, and filled his chest with attention, licking and sweetly torturing his nipples. When he started to lower even more, his hands caressing his sides as he did, Crowley felt about to combust, in total disbelief that this was happening. He wanted to look. He didn’t, as well. His head hurt with increasing dizziness and his throat started to tingle because he couldn’t stop moaning and whining. This was too much. This was far more than he expected. It seemed taken out of one of his torrid dreams that woke him in the middle in the night, hard as a rock and with his heart hurting with repressed love. But now the angel was there, loving him, touching him as he was something to be praised, to be cared for and to adore. He’d been trying to be on his own for long, to only trust his self-care to himself. He couldn’t ask, couldn’t expect the object of his adoration to return his feelings, to embrace him in warm arms and drift into a secureness that he thought didn’t exist. And it did. He was safe now, there. And he was loved.

Aziraphale kissed his belly with such softness that Crowley almost burst into tears, overwhelmed. He rose his arms, holding onto the pillows above his head, trying to control his body and his emotions. The angel kept doing his thing, pressing his mouth against his hipbones and then near his cock. Crowley growled, tensing up to avoid moving his hips up.

“You are so very beautiful, Crowley,” he heard the angel say as he caressed his tights, up and down, with a tone that could have melted him right then. “You’re the most wonderful creature I’ve ever seen.”

“ _Shut up,_ ” he breathed out, barely able to talk, deeply aroused as he was.

He tittered, his hands raising to rest on his hips, gripping him softly. “Can I touch you? Can I take you in my mouth, darling?” The angel asked so very tenderly.

“Yes, please. _Yessss_ ,” Crowley yelped, desperate.

Right away, he felt the gentle touch of Aziraphale’s hand, his fingers wrapping around him. Ever so softly, he started stroking him, sending little waves of electricity all over Crowley’s body, who couldn’t avoid whimpering at the pleasure and the knowledge that this was Aziraphale. This pleasure, this touch… It was his angel.

“Don’t hold back,” Aziraphale pleaded, sounding affected. “I want to hear you. And… You can grab me, guide me… If you want. I want to be good for you.”

“Aziraphale, you _can’t say_ _that_ ,” Crowley whined, shivering furiously, sweating cold and burning bright hot at the same time. _Oh, fuck_. He was such a mess already.

He laughed softly and, immediately, Crowley felt a warm and wet caress tracing the whole length of his cock. He practically growled, arching and trembling harder, needing desperately _more_ , needing _his mouth_ , needing _everything of him_ now, _forever_.

Aziraphale wrapped his lips softly around his tip, sinking down slowly, taking him whole. Crowley cried out, his hands rushing to sink in the angel’s curls, the pillows not enough for him to hold onto at the feeling of his mouth on him. Aziraphale moaned at this, which ruined Crowley even more, deflating against the mattress, completely at his love’s mercy —or lack of it—.

He remembered quickly he has in hands of a hedonist who, apparently, had been wanting him for a long, a very, very long time. The angel moved slow, licking and sucking with a torturing pace, savouring every inch of skin, every moan and cry from the demon, and just seeming to search more of them.

“Fuck. _Fuck. Aziraphale_ ,” Crowley cried out, reaching a level of desperation he wasn’t sure he could handle.

The angel hummed softly, starting to bob his head, gradually working a faster pace. Crowley, tensing up at the increasing pleasure, tightened slightly his grip on his curls, needing some grounding. He made the mistake, in his thoughtless state, to open his eyes and look down. The vision of the angel, eyes closed and cheeks flushed, taking and savouring him as if he was the best feast he’d ever tasted, almost abandoned to what he was doing, was just too much.

He deflated again, his eyes rolling back, lids shutting tightly. “ _Angel_. _Ah_ …Please… Don’t stop,” Crowley moaned. “ _Please… Please…_ ”

Crowley was sure he hadn’t begged so much in one single sentence never in his whole existence and he couldn’t give a flying fuck right then. He felt the moan of the angel at his begging over his cock, reverberating against his skin and mercilessly ripping a cry from him. Aziraphale held onto one of his hips with a tight grip and took his other hand to the base of his length, stroking as he sucked and quickened the pace of his mouth, raising and falling with abandon.

“Oh, yes! _Yesyesyesyes_! That’s… Oh, _fuck_. Oh, angel. _My love_. That’s so good,” he didn’t even realize he was rambling, couldn’t even hear his own voice, having lost his mind at some point. “You are so good. I love you. D-Don’t stop, I’m…”

Crowley exploded, his insides seeming to dynamite when he reached the edge, screaming and climaxing down the angel’s throat. He wasn’t sure how much it lasted, how much he cried out and how much time he was suspended in that place that didn’t seem completely real, beyond the physical plane but tainted with the awareness of the pleasure showering his whole body. He was vaguely aware of the angel swallowing him dry, grabbing his hands which had loosened their grip on his head and had slid down to his cheeks, his mouth placing soft kisses against his palms. He only realized he had his eyes closed when he felt the angel hovering over his face once more, his sweet breath colliding against his features.

Finally, he managed to open his eyes, finding Aziraphale beaming at him a little wickedly, but looking purely angelic with his face flushed and his lips swollen and his gaze of pure love for him.

“You’re… Such a bastard,” Crowley rasped, voice rough and barely audible.

Aziraphale tittered openly, his gaze sparkling. “What a thing to say just now,” he teased.

Crowley growled and sunk his fingers in his curls again, pushing him towards his mouth. He kissed Aziraphale deeply, licking inside his mouth with the hunger he could sense again as the tingling vanished and his thoughts returned. The angel gasped and moaned, pushing against his mouth as well, wanting to deepen the kiss more, pressing Crowley against the mattress as he did.

“Crowley,” he whimpered, interlacing his fingers with his reddish hair too, barely backing away from his mouth to talk. “Say that again, please.”

“W-What?” He breathed out, moving enough to kiss down his jaw and press his lips against his throat.

“What you said when… You know, _that_ ,” his voice trembled, breaking with a soft whine when Crowley sucked on his neck. “ _My love_.”

“Ugh… Mmmmh…” Crowley’s brain short-circuited with embarrassment, vaguely remembering saying that.

Well, his demonic pride was completely shattered at this point so… The fuck with it. He lowered his hand, caressing Aziraphale’s body, and stopping near his groin. The angel gasped; Crowley kept giving attention to his neck, just taking a break to raise a little and approach his ear, lips ghosting over it.

“ _My love_ ,” he purred. “Can I touch you now?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Are you comfortable like this?” He asked softly, kissing under his jaw.

“I think so.”

“Very well. You know?” He sighed, licking a mark he’d already left. “I thought of you too. _Plenty_. And this,” Crowley breathed out, grabbing him at last, stroking him. “You, on top of me. And I, touching you, until you came over me.”

Aziraphale uttered a desperate whine and Crowley laughed softly when he felt his arms give out, almost falling over him.

“ _Oh_. Seems somebody’s strength is crumbling,” he teased, feeling a rush of warmness inside his body at the realization he had such a strong effect on the angel.

“You’re… _Evil_ ,” he moaned, pressing his face against Crowley’s neck.

“Demon, ‘member?” He sighed, using his free hand to cup the back of the angel’s head as he quickened the pace of the other. Honestly, he’d never felt less demonic than in that very moment.

He miracled his hand slick with lube and Aziraphale cried out, Crowley’s motion turning easier and faster with it. The demon kept touching him, pressing random kisses at the side of his face, gasping against his ear, breathing in the angel’s whines and moans against this own neck. He would have liked to see Aziraphale’s face, but he was very aware of how much he was trembling. Considering the situation that they were in, he would see the angel’s expression of pleasure anyway, so this was fine for the moment. More than fine, actually. More than he’d ever dreamed.

“Just like that, my love,” Crowley breathed out, almost moaning. “I’ve got you, don’t worry.”

“Cr-Crowley,” he cried out. “I want…”

“What?”

“You,” he rose a little, pressing his sweaty forehead against his, eyes tightly closed. “However it pleases you, but… _Please_ … I need you now.”

Crowley gasped, feeling sweetly punched on his stomach by a rush of excitement. He hadn’t taken long to get hard again after starting touching the angel, but now it was getting painful.

“Fuck, Aziraphale. You’re going to discorporate me,” he whined.

He opened his eyes, looking at him from that brief distance, moaning and gasping. He could see the plea written in his blue eyes, so clearly it made him tremble. And, well, he almost discorporated for real when, suddenly, Aziraphale uttered a sharp cry and he felt him throbbing in his grip, a hot and wet sensation splashing over his belly. Crowley burned, surprised and even more aroused. He’d been so absorbed by the angel’s spell that he hadn’t been aware he’d driven Aziraphale that close to his own orgasm.

The angel collapsed over him, sinking his face against Crowley’s shoulder. Crowley could only stare at the ceiling, trapped under Aziraphale, feeling he could be there forever, covered by his warmness and softness. Eventually, when he climbed down of his high, Aziraphale left the crook of his shoulder and looked at him, still seeming drunk with pleasure and completely dishevelled. Crowley’s heart soared at such vision. The demon miracled the mess away and moved them to lay on their sides, face to face. He caressed the side of the angel’s face, who sighed dreamily at the touch.

“You want to… Continue? We can rest, if you need to,” Crowley said honestly. He would be more than content with what he’d gotten to do that night. There was no rush, because he knew this would happen again. That was enough thrilling for him, after millennia of thinking this would never occur.

“No,” Aziraphale sighed, the desperation still filling his gaze. “I need you more.”

Crowley gulped. “You really want me to take the lead?” He asked softly. “We can do whatever you want. I’m fine with everything. Well… Almost.”

“Almost?” The angel smirked, clearly curious. “You have limits?”

“ _Obviously_. I don’t… Like very harsh shit.”

Aziraphale smiled widely. “You’re so sweet, my dear boy.”

“I’m not,” he growled.

He laughed, approaching him to place a slow kiss against his lips, which turned very heated, very fast. “Have me, Crowley,” he gasped, barely breaking the kiss to say it. “Now. _Please_.”

He growled, a hard shiver running down his spine. The problem was that he was in the same situation: he had imagined this so frequently, in so many different ways, that he couldn’t pick one thing to do. However, he did, choosing the first thing that came to his mind and seemed good enough for a first. Going for the basics, actually. 

Crowley made himself space between the angel’s legs and backed his weight on his palms. He looked down adoringly at his flustered angel, breathless for a moment.

“Is this fine? Me inside you?” He asked him, his tone sounding affected already. “Would you like that?”

“Y- _Yes_. Oh, yes,” he whispered desperately, holding onto Crowley’s nape.

Not wanting to torture both of them more with waiting, he miracled more lube on his fingers and kneeled between the angel’s thighs, searching for his entrance without taking his eyes away from his face. He teased his rim with gentleness before pressing one digit in, holding back a moan at the sight of Aziraphale arching and whining, tilting his head back and closing his eyes hard. Crowley bit his own lower lip, trying to keep his control leashed as he pressed his finger deeper. Aziraphale was so warm and so open now, he felt he couldn’t wait to be inside him. But he had to. He had to do this right.

He opened him, being patient, trying to focus on the soft rocking of his fingers and nothing else, one after the other. However, the sounds Aziraphale was making and the way he was pushing down against his hand were making him feel extremely drunk and needy. Evey time he brushed his prostate, and the angel screamed his name, he felt his resilience crumbling.

“ _Crowley_ ,” Aziraphale whined at some point, raising to look at him with dull eyes and impatience all over his face. “That’s… Enough. _Please_.”

Breathing in, he grabbed his cock, slicking it as well with a couple of strokes and sliding himself in slowly, clenching his teeth and making an extreme effort to not lose his mind at the heat he was sinking in, at the knowledge that, finally, he could love the angel and not hide anything ever again. When he bottomed out, he huffed and Aziraphale let a little whine, extending his hands towards the demon.

“Come closer, my love,” he asked softly and Crowley shivered at the naming.

He obeyed, backing his weight on his forearms and letting the angel envelope him, legs encircling his waist, hands desperately holding onto his back. Crowley kissed him, drowning a soft moan in his mouth, doing a couple of abortive thrusts to let both of them adjust to the sensation of being joined together. Aziraphale gasped, closing his eyes tightly, which alarmed him right away.

“It hurts?”

Aziraphale gazed at him, tittering. “Oh, no. Quite the opposite, dear. I’ve… This is more than I expected.”

“‘S that good or bad?”

“Good. Absolutely good,” he tilted his head up, kissing Crowley, encouragement clear. “If you are so kind to move…”

Crowley laughed, kissing him back and complying, backing away and thrusting back in with a slow movement of his hips. He repeated the motion, once, twice… Enough times to have both of them gasping and squirming with containment and desperation. Once he felt he could, he started to move a little faster, both of them breaking, moaning at each other.

Soon after, he was already moving with a steady rhythm and Aziraphale seemed to be melting under him, his nails scratching his back as he tried to hold onto him. Crowley couldn’t be happier, he was sure of it. This was far beyond simple pleasure. He could feel the way their bodies worked together, as if they had been constructed to join just like this. He could sense the angel’s unconditional love, even lacking his angelic senses, through the way his voice broke a little more if their gazes met, and through the way Aziraphale looked at him with sparkling eyes and trust and surrender. He could feel his own soul trying to reach Aziraphale’s in a plane that wasn’t this, wanting to melt into it. This was far, far beyond lust. This was love, in its purest state. There would be plenty of time to use that, use his potential for temptation. Now, he wanted to drown in their love, because he finally could.

Although, when the angel’s voice started to raise and he dropped his hands to his buttocks, grabbing them hard and pushing him harder against his body, well… Crowley felt as if the angel had poured a whole tank of gasoline into the fire of his desire.

“Fuck. Fuck, angel,” he growled, kissing him hard, his hips colliding faster and harder against Aziraphale, out of his control.

He knew he had found the way to hit his prostate like that, considering the loud way in which Aziraphale started to moan. “Yes, Crowley! Yes… _Yes! Just like that_ ,” he was practically screaming, moving to meet his thrusts with his own rocking. “Oh, Lord… _Oh, fuck._ ”

There went the last trace of sanity he had. Crowley growled, reaching for his hands behind him and interlacing their fingers, pushing Aziraphale’s against the mattress, backing his weight on them. The angel whined at the sudden pinning and seemed to totally surrender to it, although there was a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. _The bastard_.

Crowley kept thrusting, now with abandon, trembling at the approaching orgasm building inside him rather quickly. He freed one of the angel’s hands to grab his neglected cock between them, stroking him, careful to restrain his own climax until he was sure Aziraphale was on the verge too.

Aziraphale was shaking now as well, eyes half closed and moaning Crowley’s name repeatedly. Not being able to hold back more, Crowley came with a force that almost knocked him down, and Aziraphale shouted right away, following him a second later, throbbing and splashing between their bodies for the second time that night.

It was time for Crowley to collapse over his body this time, whining and gasping, realizing his heart was beating so wildly it hurt. Aziraphale miracled the mess away and hugged him tightly when Crowley’s grip on his hand loosened, kissing the top of his head as he gasped for air too.

At some point, when they regained some strength and their bodies stopped tingling and feel like floating, they moved under the sheets and laid on their sides, facing each other. There was a couple of minutes of silence, filled with tender but shy caresses, tentative kisses, looks that were filled with love but also hesitance, as if neither of them really believed this was real.

But it was.

“I love you,” Aziraphale whispered first as he caressed Crowley’s hair.

“I… Love you too,” Crowley answered, resting his nose against Aziraphale’s, closing his eyes and hugging him closer.

“Maybe we could really sleep together now,” the angel tittered.

He smiled too, his heart soaring. “Really? Will you try?”

“I think… Sleeping like this, with you, well… I can see the reason to do so. This feels rather wonderful.”

“It’s just the afterglow, angel.”

“No,” he sighed, pressing a kiss against his lips. “It’s love.”

Crowley blushed furiously, emitting a soft growl. “You’re ridiculous.”

Snickering, Aziraphale embraced him too, until their bodies were glued again, ripping a sigh of content from both of them.

“What if we go for a picnic tomorrow?” Aziraphale asked, sounding sleepy for real.

“‘Aight,” Crowley sighed, hiding his face under his jaw, nuzzling against his neck.

The demon smiled widely because he heard the connotation behind those words. He was an expert in hearing the underlayers of Aziraphale’s words. The angel was asking for a picnic, but Crowley was hearing a clear ‘I want you to stay tomorrow’. The promise of something to do together for the next day was the premise of something bigger and, even if Crowley was still scared of admitting so fast this was his new destiny, he felt it.

They would have a picnic the next day and he would stay with his angel. He would stay forever and Aziraphale would never leave him. When he drifted to sleep in the angel’s arms, for the first time, he loved the idea of eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing about these two idiots make me so happy. They are so stupid, I love them.
> 
> Title's song: Wanderhouse - Sugar
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuria-schnee.tumblr.com/)!


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